Our Kids, Our Business,
This is to Nancy's comment. I am a single mother raising 2 children. I have had financial difficulty in the past, but I am now a nurse and financially stable. What you said about kids should be taken away if there are not 2 parents and not financially stable is one of the most ignorant things I've heard. As for "real" child abuse, I have worked with staff from child services and they are too overloaded to give each child abuse case the attention it needs. It is too bad they can't afford to hire more help.
Cassandra from Post Falls

These cases of abuse will sadly keep on appearing in the headlines as long as there is intentional and unintentional social pressure for people who don't want kids for them to have them. Abuse cases will go down once this society becomes one where every child is wanted and is not used as a meal ticket or a creation in order to have a socially acceptable family. Every time I see a child abuse case in the headlines, the first thing I think of, did the mother/father/boyfriend really want to be a parent or was s/he pressured into having that kid?

As much as people may not want to admit to it, yes there is strong pressure for people, women especially, to have kids. From family, the state and complete strangers.

Myself for example - I'm a female and was laid off almost six months ago and have been living on dwindling savings since, unable to find a job in this tough market. I've asked for help from the state to get me through these tough times since I've paid over and over into the system and have been denied, told that there was no help for me unless I got myself pregnant and had a baby first. Years ago, I wanted to go to college. Parents were divorced a year prior and their finances where in shambles and so they couldn't afford it. There were no scholarships available for me, yet I was told if I was a "single mother", I would have received a free ride to any state college.

At my last job, the vast majority of my colleagues when I first arrived there would come up to me, introduce themselves and then ask one, if I was married and two, if I had any kids. A answer to both being "no" always ended up with them suddenly walking away and refusing to have a thing to do with me, no other conversation beyond those two initial questions. I suspect that is why I ended up on the RIF list - I didn't have "a socially acceptable family" and so couldn't socialize with them outside of work hours.

I go online to various communities and my stories are not unusual. Have a kid or be a selfish social outcast until you fall in line. And one wonders why there are so many sad stories of child abuse in the news.

My aunt married a, well what I would consider a mammas boy years ago after her divorce from her first husband. He pressured her into having a kid and being a stay-at-home mommy even though she didn't want another one (she had two from a previous marriage). Every time I see or hear from her, she is always yelling at this little girl and using her as a poison box for her resentment of her second husband. I wish I could just take this little girl in and far away from her, but what she is doing is sadly not viewed as abuse in the deep south where she lives.

Years ago, there was a case in Northport that never hit the news. Some "parents" were using the welfare checks from their kids to live "the high life" (food-wise, their house had no roof asides from a tarp). They wouldn't buy people food for their kids, just dog food and bought real nice food for themselves - lobster, steak, etc. The case only came to light after the new town police officer who came from Western Washington put together the fact that they didn't have a dog, and yet were buying a lot of dog food from the town grocery store. Some poking around and the truth came out as to what they were doing - the town folks were just ignoring it and didn't want to get involved, nothing more than a private family matter in their eyes. The kids now live with a rich aunt in Beverly Hills.

Go ask any rural school teacher or administrator to talk privately off the record. They'll tell you tales that never see a camera lens or a reporter's notebook. Most wish they could do something about the abuse they see, but can't. The most they can do is feed the kid a hot meal and slip occasional supplies (school supplies, socks, coats, etc) on the q.t. to the kids who desperately need them. If they say anything about the abuse they see, the parents pull the kid from the district to "homeschool them" and disappear off the radar. Its why most rural districts won't close their districts for severe winter weather unless they are up against a wall - for many of those kids, their school lunch is the only meal they get.

Thanks for remembering the kids. It is so hard to hear about it.I have two kids that had troubled starts before they came to me and it is hard. I'll be watching to see how to help.

I have noticed something in common in alot of these murder-by-abuse stories.....the single mother is always working, and the boyfriend is at home with the child! WOW. Something is really wrong with that. There seems to be alot of these BUMS around! These "Boyfriends" are just losers looking to mooch off of a struggling working mother!
I know how hard it is to try and find good, affordable child care. We as a community, NEED MORE AFFORDABLE, SAFE, CHILDCARE!

And....Anonymous......what do you mean by "Abuse cases will go down once this society becomes one where every child is wanted and is not used as a meal ticket or a creation in order to have a socially acceptable family. Every time I see a child abuse case in the headlines, the first thing I think of, did the mother/father/boyfriend really want to be a parent or was s/he pressured into having that kid?" WHAT ?????????? Regardless if you "want" a child or not, you DONT KILL IT! This society has way more important problems than worrying about offending someone who chooses to not have a family. DUH......? Your post was about you and your sob-story, not child-abuse. All I know is I would rather have my tax-payer dollars help feed/cloth a single mother and a child, than an out of touch, bitter sounding, self-centered single person anyday!

I WAS JUST WONDERING WHAT AND OR WHERE I MYSELF CAN VOLUNTEER MY TIME TO HELP WITH THE VERY IMPORTANT CAUSE. IT MAKE ME SO SAD TO THINK OF THE CHILDREN LIVING WITH THIS. I WANT TO HELP AN ANYWAY THAT I CAN. IF ANYONE HAS ANY INFORMATION ON VOLUNTEER OPORTUNITIES PLEASE POST IT. WE CAN SIT HERE AND READ AND TYPE ABOUT THESE PROBLEMS, BUT I WANT TO HELP DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

I'm saying this as a personal viewpoint. I have no studies to back it up, just personal observations.

From what I've observed, many times other people make situations worse for parents than alleviating the stress. When I see a mother (or father for that matter) that is raising their voice or behaving in a manner that is considered possibly abusive, rather than running to someone and complaining--I strike up a conversation with them using such phrases as "It is so tough raising kids these days, they can be such a handful," or "Wow, you look a little overwhelmed--can I help you out?" I try to diffuse the situation rather than attack. Accusing the parent and making a bigger scene adds fire to an already combustable situation. Many times, when approached in a friendly and nonthreatening manner, the parent calms down and so does the child.

I have read such judgmental posts from so many people. None of us have the parenting situation down perfect. Anyone who says they do is living in denial. It makes me wonder if there might be some fear that keeps abusive parents from seeking help for their issues--fear of judgement, fear of losing their children. Is the point of involvement to crucify the parent, or get the family help? Help is much more difficult than finger pointing.

Speaking as a former single mother, you have no idea how hard it is to work full time and fill two sets of shoes. I had a decent support network for the most part--many single moms don't. As much as our society claims to be tolerant, you do get looked down on for not being married. I chose not to introduce my daughter to any man I was interested in until I knew without a doubt he could be trusted. The one man I did introduce her to ended up becoming my husband. I can tell you this, I was more prepared to be a mom the second time around than the first. I would love to see communities put together a first mom type program to help work with first time moms, answering questions and giving them tools to aid them in a very challenging endeavor. Parenting is the toughest job I have ever tackled and my heart goes out to those parents who don't have the necessary tools to raise their children physically or emotionally. Hopefully as a community, we can come together and help those who are struggling and not drown the entire family in the process.

I have been watching the "Our Kids, Our Business" since day one. I'm one of the many people who shed tears for the little ones who have lost their lives at the hands of their "caretakers."

Okay, here is where it gets weird for me. There was a family in our neighborhood that we were all concerned about. They began acting weird, there were a bunch of extra kids there all the time but no adults were ever outside. The house started to go into horrible disrepair and we were worried about possible drug use or neglect. We asked the people if we could help and they said nothing was wrong. We discovered they were running a daycare in this small, dumpy house. One day I came home to find two infants, not more than a year old, wearing only diapers, who ran in front of a moving garbage truck. There was no adult in sight and these little babies nearly got killed in front of my eyes. I took the babies to the front door and it took several minutes for the guy to answer. He said he felt "terrible" that the babies were out in the street alone (gee, ya think?). I felt the situation was out of hand and I called CPS. CPS responded immediately and guess what? Most of my neighbors now will not speak to me. No one makes eye contact with me and I have lost friendships because I stepped in where I felt neglect was happening to infants. When you get involved, sometimes you lose. I'm glad I did call CPS and although the family has now moved out of that house, the rest of the neighborhood now thinks I'm horrible and nosey still.